To: Love, From: Hate
by Quesse Silme
Summary: Notes among colleagues in the Ministry of Magic are not the only things that are flying around in the air... DMHG.
1. Hating Monday Mornings

_**To: Love, From: Hate**_

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own any of these characters, cause if I did, I'd be rolling around in money on the floor of my castle in great, frolicky joy.

Summary: Notes among colleagues in the Ministry of Magic are not the only things that are flying around in the air… gossip, jealousy and hate are also quite common in a bureaucratic setting. Add unrequited lust and love to the equation, one can expect the unexpected. DMHG.

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Monday morning, In an office in the Ministry of Magic

8:45 AM

To: The Insufferable Know-it-All

I have received your owl and am hereby writing this missive to inform you that the answer is…NO!

From: The Handsome Pureblooded Wizard

* * *

8:50 AM

To: Pureblooded Git

The fact that you answered back my owl already implies that you have received it. Hence, there was no need to tell me so. Why you enjoy being redundant is something I will never understand.

Oh, and I reject your answer. Please reply back with a more appropriate answer.

From: The Cleverest Witch of the Century

* * *

8:55 AM

To: The Bushiest-Haired Witch of the Century

I am not redundant! Perhaps your bushy hair is invading your cranial and impairing your judgment. And what do you mean, you _reject_ my answer?! You cannot reject me! I am a Malfoy, and no one ever rejects a Malfoy! Just ask Crabbe.

From: Myanswerisstillno

* * *

9:00 AM

To: Slimy-Haired Ferret

My hair is NOT bushy! Harold, from Accounting the other day, told me that my curls were very pretty, thank you very much. You, on the other hand, are a self-centered, egotistical, and narcissistic prick. You put so much gel in your hair that even a hurricane won't be able to undo it! And I am logging down your answer as YES. No one ever refuses ME, Malfoy.

And what about Crabbe?

From: I am better than you!

* * *

9:05 AM

To: You are not Pretty, but Hideous like that horrible cat of yours

You are simply jealous of the control I have over my hair. Because you obviously can't tame yours. Ever heard of conditioner, Granger? And maybe, mousse?

And I am not going to do it, and you can't force me!

About Crabbe, remember that time he took the last piece of Molly's pie? The last piece that I expressibly 'shot-gunned' and wanted? Well, remember what happened afterwards, when he refused to give it up to me? Ahh, that memory always makes me smile.

p.s. Harold from Accounting was just trying to get a date for the Ball. Since he's the ugliest fellow in the whole department he'd be desperate enough to go with anyone—even if it means complimenting that 'hair' of yours.

From: At Least I've Got a Hot Date! Ha!

* * *

9:10 AM

To: Asshole

Oh yeah, now I remember! I have to admit, that was hilarious Malfoy, especially since it took three days for the hex to wear off.

From: You _Betcha_

-BOOM!-

* * *

9:20 AM

To: You're Lucky My Eyebrows Weren't Completely Burned Off

Next time you hex me, Granger, take care to aim, because your aim sucks as bad as my grandmother playing Quidditch.

From: Off to fix hair in the Loo, so bugger off

* * *

9:25 AM

To: The Ponce

You deserved it. And my aim was true; I got your hair, didn't I? Loser.

p.s. Harold from Accounting is a sweet guy, which is more than I can say for you. At least I'll be able to have intelligent conversation with him. I'm not sure your "hot date" will be able to communicate intelligibly, as I've heard there's a great amount of air in that head of hers.

From: Justified

* * *

10:05 AM

To: I hate you

What did you do to my hair?! Granger, I swear I'm going to come into your office right now and hex the living daylights out of you if you don't give me the counter-curse. NOW.

I MEAN IT.

I expect to see you here, in my office in three seconds. You will deeply regret it if you don't show up.

From: I hate you

* * *

10:10 AM

Granger! You were supposed to be here 5 minutes ago! Come to my office now or Merlin help you!

* * *

10:30 AM

Granger? Are you even at your office? I sent you about ten other messages, and even you can't ignore them all.

Aaarrgghh! Yes, now I have resorted to screaming out my anger and frustration on paper! I cannot go on with the rest of the day with PINK hair! I've got a board meeting at noon!

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_A/N: Please push that pretty purply-blue button down there and review!_


	2. Monday Afternoons Sort of Suck too

A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews! And to Jen, thanks for your input—I made the change!

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12:32 PM

To: Malfoy

Oi! What's all this crap I'm hearing Malfoy? Creevey nearly bowled me over when he said something about you and pink hair. Why didn't you tell me you coloured your hair? Have you no consideration for my feelings? Maybe it crossed your mind that I would have wanted to see it too! Now all I have to go by is what other people say…word of mouth is too inaccurate.

You just deprived me of a year's worth of good laughs—but from what Harry told me, I'm laughing anyways!

From: Ron

* * *

12:33 PM

To: Scarface

I just heard from a reliable source that you were spreading unappealing rumours about me. For that, you'll wish that Voldemort really did kill you off.

Rest assured that you've now become the second person on my "People to Maim and Kill" list.

From: Malfoy

* * *

12:34 PM

To: Poufed-up Wanker

It has come to my knowledge that you are a pervert and have been taking innapropriate pictures of my individual whilst in the privacy of the loo. In the attaching documents, please find a restraining order issued by my attorneys. You are not to come within fifty metres of me.

From: Draco Malfoy

* * *

12:34 PM

To: The Maimer

Pfft! You don't scare me Malfoy! We all know you're soft deep, deep, deep (really deep!) down inside. Besides, why are you complaining? I remember you once boasted that all colours of the rainbow suited your complexion.

p.s. If I'm the second person on your list, then who's the first?

From: The Boy Who Definitely Lived

* * *

12:35 PM

To: Pothead

When I said that, I was referring to your muggle bowties! Who said I wanted disgusting pink hair?

p.s. Creevey.

From: The Annihilator

* * *

12:35 PM

To: Ron

Hey, here are the pictures that Creevey promised. Use them well, my friend.

From: Harry

* * *

12:36 PM

To: Harry

Thanks mate! I feel like Christmas came early.

From: Ron

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12:36 PM

To: Hermione

I love you Hermione. The way you cursed that git's hair pink was absolutely amazing. Wished I could have been there to see his face though…wait, I CAN see his reaction. Harry sent me some copies of the pictures that Creevey took of Malfoy in the loo. I made extra copies for you.

Enjoy them, love!

From: Ron

* * *

12:36 PM

To: Weasley

You're just jealous that I still look better than you with pink hair—that atrocious red mop that you have, along with those unsightly freckles on your face are just plain hideous.

Oh, and I have just added you to my list of people to maim and kill.

From: Malfoy

* * *

12:37 PM

To: Ron

What was Creevey doing taking pictures of people in the loo? That's kind of creepy. And thanks for the copies! I think I might frame them!

From: Hermione

* * *

12:38 PM

To: Malfoy

I thought I was already on that list?

From: Ron

* * *

12:40 PM

To: Weasley

No, Weasley. You were on the "People I Dislike and Must Annoy" list.

From: Malfoy

* * *

12:43 PM

To: Malfoy

Really? I thought you wanted to maim me a long time ago…Wow, this day keeps getting better and better!

From: Ron

* * *

12:44 PM

To: Weasley

You are a moron.

From: Malfoy

* * *

1:07 PM

To: Granger

You fucking messed with the wrong man Granger. Be prepared for my wrath.

p.s. And whether I went to that meeting with pink hair or not is none of your business!

From: Malfoy

* * *

1:08 PM

To: Pompous Arsehole

No. YOU messed with the wrong _woman_ Malfoy. I suggest you try to steer away from the business end of my wand, as I've learned quite a few handy hexes since the war. So don't tempt me with your wrath; you had it coming Malfoy, so it's fair and square now. You insulted me, and I hexed you. That's it. How about we put this whole debacle behind us, shall we?

From: H. Granger

* * *

1:08 PM

To: Mr. Ronald Weasley, Division of Magical Sports and Games

Thank you for your letter and enthusiasm for the _Weekly Ministry Newsletter_. We would be more than happy to insert your submission into this week's issue. A complementary issue will be sent to you this Friday morning on behalf of the writing staff.

We always enjoy having your input!

From: Parvati Patil, Editor of the _Weekly Ministry Newsletter_ and Co-Editor of _Witch Weekly_

* * *

1:09 PM

To: Granger

Nice try Granger. I suggest that you still watch your back.

From: Malfoy

* * *

1:09 PM

To: Harry

It's done Harry! Watch for it this Friday!!

From: Ron-I-am-so-estactic!

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1:10 PM

To: Ron

Excellent! Now, I think you owe me a little something for going through all that trouble of getting you those incriminating photos. Creevey is still very…clingy. shudders

From: Harry-you-know-what-I-want

* * *

1:12 PM

To: Harry

Anything mate! Just let me bask in the 'pink' glow of my happiness! Hehehe!

From: Ron

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A/N: As always, all comments are welcomed.


	3. Why is it still Monday?

A/N: Thank you everyone for reviewing!! I am so glad that you like it so far. Oh, and kudos to _**la mia stella**_ for being the first reviewer, each time I posted a chapter! I'd also like to give an honourable mention to _**Zagreb-girl**_ who was the tenth reviewer! I'm planning on giving a little bit of reviewer recognition to the twentieth reviewer.

Now onwards to the story…

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Later that day…

"Fuck!" Harry swore loudly, and quickly whirled around and ran with as much dignity as possible back around the corner. Using his sneaky Auror skills, he tip-toed across the hallway and tried to reach his office in time. Sweat was beading on his forehead, and his upper lip was moist with it.

_C'mon, almost there…only three more steps…_

With his hand on the silver doorknob, Harry jumped three feet into the air when he felt two hands reach around his shoulders, skim across his chest, and link digits right over his heart.

"Ahh, _Harry_." Harry visibly shuddered, and began to have a panic attack when he felt something nuzzle the back of his neck.

"Aargh! Are you sniffing my neck, Creevey?!"

"Mmm. You smell _soo_ good Harry. Such a maculine scent…so _musky_." Colin sighed and let his hot breath wash over the back of Harry's neck. He got excited when he saw goosebumps break out over Harry's skin.

Harry tried very hard to contain himself and not run away like a scared ninny. Or turn around and bash Colin on top of the head.

_I am the boy who lived. I am the boy who lived. I am the boy who…_

"Aahh!!" With superhuman strength that he didn't think he could possess, Harry wrenched his body from Colin's embrace and pushed the small man backwards.

With a shaking finger, he pointed at Colin and said in a slow, but shaky voice, "Don't ever, _ever_ poke me with your…thing—_broomstick_ again." Not even pausing for a last contemptuous stare, Harry whirled around in a flurry of black robes and escaped into the safe confines of his office, where he immediately put up wards to prevent the love-struck wizard from entering.

He didn't even bother to walk over to his desk as his shaky legs gave out beneath him and he slid down to the floor, resting his back against the door.

Little did he know that his object of terror was sitting slumped on the opposite side of the door, with a broken heart. But as they say, love conquers all, so Colin Creevey stood up with renewed gusto and stared at the closed door before him with a determined glint in his eye.

"Harry Potter, I will make you love me, and there will come a day when you will _beg_ me to poke you with my _broomstick_." He gave a sharp nod to the door and placed a lingering kiss in the center of it, before turning on his heel, and heading back to the men's loo.

* * *

"Potter! Open this bloody door this instant!" More pounding ensued and Harry was afraid that his door would be knocked off its frame.

"Who is this?" Harry pressed his ear cautiously against the cool wood of the door to only hear heavy, panting breaths behind it.

"It's me, you nitwit." There was a pause, before the person decided to add on, "_Malfoy_."

"Oh!" Harry made to open the door but then paused again. "How do I know it's really you?"

"For fuck's sake! Open this effin door if you don't want me to shove your ugly scarface up your fecking arse!"

"Yep. Definitely Malfoy," Harry muttered to himself happily before opening the door and letting an infuriated Malfoy into his office. An infuriated Malfoy who still sported _pink _hair.

* * *

"Miss Granger!"

Hermione whirled around and came face-to-face with Harold from Accounting. She gave him a polite smile, while a feeling of dread wedged up inside her. She fervently hoped that he wouldn't ask her if…

"Do you have an escort to the ball yet?"

He gave her a hopeful smile, and had his fingers crossed behind his back. _Please, please, please, please, please, let her be free…_

Hermione inwardly groaned, but kept up her polite act. "Actually Harold, I _do_ have an escort to the ball. Sorry about that." She then gave an apologetic smile that was almost believable. _Merlin, why did I have to go and say that? Now I actually have to find a bloody escort. Urrgh! Damn Malfoy!_

Harold's smile froze on his face and his crossed fingers behind his back faltered and unfurled. A red blush creeped up his neck and traveled to the top of his forehead.

"Oh! Well, then that's, uh, alright then, eh?" He gave a short, nervous laugh and the conversation fell into a very awkward silence.

"Um, well, see you around!" Hermione gave a little wave, and promptly fled from the very awkward scene, in the most dignified manner possible, while Howard stood there alone like a wilting flower in the rain.

* * *

Ron was in a cheery mood. As he walked down the hallway towards the men's loo, he was whistling a happy tune by Celestina Warbeck, and for some odd reason, that wasn't bothering him in the slightest.

In the history of Mondays, he's got to say that this is his best Monday yet. Better even than that time when that girl Marci had accepted his date offer. Even better than the day when his newest nephew was born. Yep. This Monday is the greatest of all Great Mondays.

So with his hands in his pockets, and his mind filled with the pink bliss of Malfoy's horrible day, Ron failed to notice that one of the occupied stalls held one very upset Colin Creevey, who was armed with a very lethal camera.

Upon hearing someone enter the loo, Colin immediately clambered onto the toilet seat and aimed his camera at one unsuspecting Ronald Weasley. His eyes narrowed and in his jealous mind, a ludicrous tale spun.

A tale involving a secret love affair between the great Harry Potter and his comic sidekick Ronald Weasley. A tale which would undoubtedly explain why Harry Potter spurned his—_Colin Creevey's_ love.

Upon reflecting on the topic of spurned love, Colin felt his heart clench, and couldn't stop the small tear that escaped his wide, glassy eyes.

"Harry is mine," he whispered to himself. "And only mine," as his tearful eyes narrowed spitefully at Ron who was busy flushing his ablutions.

So, with more spite than a petty Pansy Parkinson, Colin took aim and was ready to capture and _eliminate_ his next prey.

* * *

"Potter! Pay attention!"

Harry snapped his eyes back to Malfoy's irritated face. "I was paying attention!" Then his eyes unconsciously shifted back up to the silky pink locks that were once a rather white shade of blond.

Malfoy just rolled his eyes and smacked the back of Harry's head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Harry rubbed the back of his head furiously.

"_Because_, you are an idiot." When Harry's gaze slid upwards again, Malfoy barked out, "And stop looking at my hair!" He then clasped his hands behind his back and began pacing around Harry's office.

"What I need is a plan. A good one. No, not just a good one; I need a grand, evil, machiavellian plan that will bring them to their knees." He then rubbed his hands together, and let out an evil _cackle_.

_Who cackles except crazy people? _

Harry looked at Malfoy nervously, not liking the way he was stalking around the room with a scary grin on his face, while muttering dark things under his breath.

"Uh, Malfoy?"

"What?"

"What are you doing in my office again?"

"To plan." _Duh_.

"And why does it have to be in _my_ office?"

"Because, Merlin help me, you're Harry Potter, and you're going to help me achieve this."

Harry wasn't liking the sound of this. "But what if…"

Malfoy turned onto Harry and towered menacingly over him; well, he towered as much as he can what with the one inch he had over Potter.

He pointed a pale finger into Harry's chest and had the scary look on his face again. "There are no 'what-ifs'. Got it, Potter?"

Malfoy jabbed his finger into Harry's chest with every word that he spoke. "You. _Jab_. Are. _Jab_. Going. _Jab_. To. _Jab_. Help. _Jab_. Me."

"And there will be no questions," he added with his trademark sneer. He gave a particulary painful poke, and Harry heard himself saying his favourite phrase of the day again.

"Ow!" Harry rubbed his sore chest and looked at Malfoy with an angry expression. "No need to get abusive!" And he added under his breath, "Spends too much time with Hermione, and now she's rubbing off him…git."

Malfoy's grey eyes flashed dangerously, and he whispered menacingly, "What was that, Potter?"

Harry racked his brains for a good excuse. "Uh, I said, er, my knee hurts and it needs a rubbing!"

Malfoy gave a disgusted look, before turning away to resume his pacing. "I don't care if your knee hurts, and I'm certainly not rubbing it."

Harry gave a sigh of relief and sagged into the chair behind his desk. But that relief was short-lived, however, as Malfoy began ranting about pouf-heads and bushy-haired witches.

Harry sighed and dropped his head onto his desk with a small _thud_.

Today was getting to be a _very_ long day…

But then again, there were some perks, as Harry took a peek at Malfoy's pink head, and tried valiantly to smother a snicker.

* * *

A/N 1: So, what's going to happen? Creevey is heartbroken and ready to do absolutely anything to defend his territory that is Harry Potter. Ron is clueless and still lost in his happy bliss. Harry is trying to hide from Colin because he clearly doesn't swing that way; while trying to find a way out of Malfoy's scheming. And Hermione needs to find a date!

More mayhem to ensue!

A/N 2: This is also going to be my last update for the next month or so. I'm leaving for a trip soon and will be in a place where I'll have limited access to a computer. Make me happy and leave me many reviews to come back to!


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